


Boyfriends

by Castiron



Category: Sesame Street (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M, desecration-of-childhood-memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-27
Updated: 2006-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-21 19:39:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/228990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiron/pseuds/Castiron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Telly said you're not married, so you must be boyfriends."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boyfriends

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in December 2006. This fic had been percolating in my brain for some time, and being punch-drunk from Yuletide 2006 and short on sleep, I decided to finally write it up. Rated R for wRong. (Actually, the first half is not wrong at all, and I can even see it happening in canon. The second half...well.)

Elmo had wondered for days about what Telly had said, and finally he decided that the only way to find out was to ask. So he got permission from his mommy and daddy to visit Ernie and Bert.

Bert opened the apartment door. "Oh, Elmo! Good to see you, but isn't it your bedtime?"

"Yes, and Elmo can't stay long, but Elmo had a question for you and Ernie."

Bert's eyebrow lowered for a second, then he sighed. "I suppose it won't take very long. Ernie! Elmo's here!"

Ernie came out of the bedroom. "Hi, Elmo! You're out late tonight!"

"Yes, Elmo knows! But Elmo has a very very important question for you and Bert!"

"Well, ask away! Right, Bert?"

Bert sighed again. "Right, Ernie."

Elmo asked, "Are you two boyfriends?"

Bert and Ernie stared at him. Then Ernie laughed and Bert snickered.

"Of course not!" Ernie said. "Why, whatever made you think so?"

"Well, Elmo and Telly and Zoe were playing house, and Telly said that Ernie and Bert were boyfriends because you live in the same place. Luis and Maria live together, and they're married. Gordon and Susan live together, and they're married. Telly said you're not married, so you must be boyfriends."

Bert smiled. "No, Elmo, we're not boyfriends. We're _friends_ , but not boyfriends."

"That's right, Elmo!" Ernie said. "You see, sometimes people live together because they're in love with each other and they're a family, but sometimes people just live together because they're friends and they like to be around each other."

"And it makes the rent more affordable," Bert muttered.

Elmo didn't notice Bert's comment. "Oh! Elmo sees. So when Elmo and Telly and Zoe and Rosita are all grown up, we could live in a house together and be friends?"

"Exactly," said Ernie. "Or you might meet brand new friends by then, and live with them."

"All my friends together? It'll have to be a really big house!" Elmo hugged them. "Well, thank you, Bert and Ernie. Elmo has to go home now and go to bed."

"Good night, Elmo!" "Sleep tight, Elmo!"

* * *

Bert closed the door behind Elmo. "Why does everyone always assume we're lovers?"

"I don't know, Bert." Ernie was back in the bedroom, rummaging through his other toy box. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean you are."

Bert sighed, then sat back down with his book.

Ten minutes later, another knock sounded at the door. This time, Prairie Dawn and the Count were outside.

Bert grinned. "Ernie's almost ready, Count."

"Perfect! The show is going to be good tonight! I love counting drag queens. One! One drag queen! Two! Two drag queens! Three!...."

Prairie Dawn shook her head, then kissed Bert's cheek. "Hi, love. Are you up for it tonight?"

"Of course!" Bert said. "I've been waiting for it all week!"

Ernie finally emerged from the bedroom, shades and slinky shirt in place. "Sorry to keep you all waiting."

"That's all right," Prairie Dawn said. She removed her coat to reveal the leather dress and the whip strapped at her side. "Into the bedroom, slave, and be ready for me in ten minutes. I've learned some great new uses for bottle caps."

Bert shuddered with anticipation. "Yes, mistress. Goodnight, Ernie, Count. Have fun!"

"Oh, we will," Ernie said, over the Count's "twenty! twenty drag queens! I love Drag Night! Ha ha ha ha!"

As Ernie and the Count left, Ernie paused to say to Prairie Dawn, "Gordon mentioned that the noise was a little much last time, just so you know."

Prairie Dawn grinned and brandished the ball gag. "I'll take care of it. You boys enjoy yourselves, and we'll have bacon and eggs waiting in the morning."

"You have fun too!" Ernie walked out, singing, "Rubber dickie, you're the one...."


End file.
